Bread Crumbs & Humble Pie!

RECESSION, POVERTY –Two bold rambunctious words swirling around in my brain as I attempt to rationalize the depletion of fluid funds in all of my accounts. Both checking accounts and both my savings, all hit less than $100. Damn…how did I get here? Its official, my financial situation has decreased in less than 30 days. Ah, yes, I can almost smell the scent of forest green bills igniting in my wallet. 60 days ago, I had four major credit cards that had limits exceeding $5,000, and as soon as I denounce my single life and irresponsible thinking and useless spending, I get smacked with the biggest sucker punch of my thirty something life.

It all started when I decided to unite with “Team Marital Bliss.” You know, the team that does everything together – from budgeting, balancing checkbooks (in my case, reviewing all my receipts folded up in an envelope which I refer to as the overflow file, once my wallet’s zipper begins popping at the seam) and checking off to-do-lists that we’ve comprised as one unit. I sometimes think back to jolt my memory to see if I saw this behavior as a tip from a “Building Your Nest” segment on Rachel Ray or Martha Stewart. Someone had to tip me off, because this was soooo not the way I remember living or existing. Now “Team Marital Bliss” is really a great team to reside on, but I sometimes long for the days of my past life when I would walk into let’s say, NY&CO® and whip out my black card and charge about $300 on the latest cropped pants, tunics, jeans, belts, and not feel repulsed by the mere fact that every other clothing rack in the store resembles the clothes hanging in my closet. Oh but wait, it’s just as sickening as when I realize I’m standing next to my twin — the mannequin wearing the exact black knit dress and crimson red cardigan. The only way you can tell us apart is that she’s wearing NY&CO® shoes and I am rocking my black BCBG Girls® pumps with a cute lil’ bow. Those were the reckless days of my life, when the only excitement that filled me was spending money on clothes, shoes or purses.

So here I am, almost two months, seven days and three hours, from the last time I splurged on a pair of shoes or clothes without feeling guilty or even thinking about “Team Marital Bliss.” Soon as I agreed to be responsible, all my credit cards were unavailable – you know like me, unavailable from the dating scene and the single life of mingling, drinking and partying. A life I voluntarily gave up, and have no regrets, but Damn, Damn, Damn… did I have to give up my credit cards and my unlimited spending habits? I actually feel like Florida Evans from Good Times. I’m counting pennies, clipping coupons and praying James Evans will make it another day without being laid off from his job. Last week I drove to Sam’s Club to grab a few items that the household needed, some chicken, wheat bread, etc. I was standing in the checkout line praying for a miracle that my transaction was approved because I used my check card but wasn’t really confident it would approve my request to feed my family. The cashier looks at me with disappointment, (as if I have ruined her day) and whispers to me that it was DECLINED. I held my head up high, and told her I would scurry over to the ATM and return once I retrieved some cash. I knew I was fibbing, and so did she, but I still scurried with confidence only to realize that the cashier and all of the customers in the line watched my every move at the ATM. Damn, Damn, Damn, I don’t even have a lot in the cart. I just need a lil’ bit of bread crumbs to curve our hunger. Feeling defeated after receiving three receipts stating INSUFFICIENT FUNDS, I walked in haste with my head held high to tell the cashier that I’ve forgotten my pin number and turned and walked out of the store never looking back.

Two days later, I’m sitting in my truck after leaving Children’s Place, laughing hysterically at the fact that I have once again been embarrassed in a checkout line. I went to purchase my son a pair of dress pants from Children’s Place that were on sale. Even though I had $20 dollars in my wallet, I chose to whip out my Children’s Place card for a $14.99 so I could get my 10% discount because my card has the 10% discount sticker on the front. Of course it was declined, because I forgot to pay my bill, but this time, the clerk wasn’t so discreet. She announced this issue to the whole store, but I remained calm, smiled continuously all while calling her a ton of “ghetto ass bitches” in my head, whispering to myself – “remain humble; the victory will be so sweet.” I ended up purchasing the pants with the $20 dollars I had in my wallet, and found myself 10 minutes later clutching my coupon book in the parking lot of my neighborhood grocery store. I began praying that I would figure out how the family could eat that night because I hadn’t had a chance to grocery shop for a couple of weeks, and wasn’t sure how far the $4.30 I had left in my wallet could really take me. I found coupons for lunch meat, CapriSun juices, a loaf of bread, and a Popeye’s Chicken coupon. I took a deep breath and approached the line, and to my surprise, the woman who gave me life was standing in front of me… sweet, sweet, MOMMY!

Prayer is good, and humble hearts really do get far. That night, I was able to get the groceries I had in my cart, plus a lil extra, and a box of chicken and biscuits, with a lil’ pie on the side!