Have you ever felt explosive emotions of abandonment, mixed with misplaced perceptions that a rival has come to destroy your friendship with your good, good, girlfriend? It’s okay if you have. It’s called Jealousy. The word itself, when spoken loudly can make someone shriek in disagreement and denial, because one doesn’t want to be labeled as a jealous person.
I’ve been there. Jealousy ensued from my aerial view, which registered in my mind that I had been replaced. It was during a time when I was feeling low, and less purposeful in my craft. I became distracted by the glorified perceptions on social media. But I stopped my emotions from controlling me, took a moment and had an honest evaluation with myself; which helped me identify that I had consumed a healthy dose of jealousy. It wasn’t ill intended and once I communicated my feelings to my bestie, I discovered the aerial shot I perceived was my mind playing tricks on me.
Jealousy will jump out of a burning bush with no warning, and take you down an emotional path. I think we’ve all experienced jealous emotions to some degree, whether early on as teenagers, or as mature adults. It’s a natural instinct to feel a sense of threat when third parties, or other interests infiltrate the sisterhood you’ve built with your bestie. Right? I believe so. I also believe if you’re honest about your feelings, and acknowledge the reason behind the emotional discomfort; the friendship can…and will survive.
However, I think if you have swallowed a heavy dose of anger, criticism, disdain, and resentment, and allow the effects to fester deep inside your soul; you’ve created a deadly cocktail for one of the seven deadliest sins. Envy is a psychotic upgrade from jealousy, and can be emotionally dangerous to the soft willed and unmotivated. It’s not okay to be envious of anyone, especially your best friend. There is a significant difference between being harmlessly jealous and becoming dangerously envious.
Are you the girlfriend that grumbles as you scroll through the posts on your bestie’s social media timelines? Are you lacking support in your bestie’s achievements and endeavors? Do you feel she has the business or career, car, family, house or marriage you want? Or are you upset and resentful because she created an idea for improving her finances, and you didn’t create the idea or opportunity yourself?
Don’t become an envy chick. It’s not a cool shade on you. Regroup, reshape and reinvent your focus. Figure out what dreams or goals in your personal and professional life need to be brought to fruition? Flush away the seed of envy and move forward. Be honest and communicate with your friend. Let her know what has been bothering you. You’ll most likely find a wealth of support from her, and encouragement while you reinvent yourself. Through all the dust and reconstruction of your emotions and energy, try re-implementing the circle of support.
However, if you still find yourself grumbling through all of her success and have yet showed up and showed out for her on the sidelines to her journey, perhaps the friendship isn’t for you. Every good thing comes to an end, and for you, the expectations of the friendship most likely have outgrown you.
Bow out gracefully, wish her well, and work on diffusing the burning envy-ferno brewing inside of you for the other relationships in your life.