All Sales Final

It’s was my favorite time at Hecht’s – Sales Time! You remember Hecht’s, don’t you? They had my favorite lingerie on sale, Vanity Fair and this time it looked as though I might be able to afford a few pairs of their undies.  So, armed with my Hecht’s credit card, my co-workers and I rushed the few blocks to the store, all the while management was in a staff meeting that promised to last at least an hour.  Government employment does have its advantages, or at least it did then.  This memory was prompted by a sudden flash-back of my running, and I mean running to the store to take advantage of a sale when the store opened.  For this particular sale I took a chance and left my duty station uncovered for what I hoped was to be for only a very short time.  My agency was located only a few blocks from the store and I got to the store in what I considered record time.

The negative thing about sales is that everyone seems to know about them.  I had plenty of company when the doors opened and we all seemed to be heading in the same direction, the basement.  Although Vanity Fair was displayed in a large bin with other brands, there did appear to be an ample quantity of all the brands on sale. It is so much fun when a lot of women are looking for the same thing. You have no arm room to sort through the garments, people are almost breathing down your back and when you finally see your size, someone else grabs it.  So you try another strategy and you go all the way to the bottom of the bin and start pulling up garments.  Finally, I see my size, grab a handful and find that I only have two garments that are actually my size.  Okay, I’ll take them, since once again I feel size discrimination is hovering over the store as I look for a certain size and only see garments that are for” little people with little buttocks.”  I pay for the two garments feeling that I accomplished something and rush back to my duty station.  I got back just in time to be available when a new project was assigned to me and for the rest of the day — I was feeling pretty good.  At home later that evening, I finally get a chance to really look at my (what I consider) high-class underwear.  I took them out of the bag, held them up and… that Charlie Fat Ass sign I seem to have on my back was blinking off and seemed to be saying, “got you again.”  In my hand I had a pair of hot pink underwear and a pair of white underwear.  The white underwear had one regular size leg hole and the other leg hole was the size of a bottle top!!!!!!!!!  Who can wear these? I’m sure you’ve guessed it…all sales were final.